These Phrases from A Parent That Helped Us during my time as a New Parent

"In my view I was just in survival mode for twelve months."

Former reality TV personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to manage the difficulties of becoming a dad.

However the reality quickly became "very different" to what he'd imagined.

Life-threatening health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise admitted to hospital. Suddenly he was pushed into becoming her primary caregiver as well as taking care of their baby boy Leo.

"I handled all the nights, each diaper… every walk. The job of both mum and dad," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he reached burnout. It was a conversation with his parent, on a bench in the park, that helped him see he required support.

The direct statement "You aren't in a healthy space. You require support. In what way can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and regain his footing.

His story is not uncommon, but rarely discussed. Although the public is now better used to discussing the stress on moms and about postpartum depression, far less attention is paid about the struggles dads face.

Seeking help isn't a weakness to seek assistance

Ryan feels his struggles are part of a wider reluctance to open up between men, who still hold onto damaging ideas of manhood.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the rock that just gets hit and stays upright with each wave."

"It is not a show of weakness to request help. I didn't do that soon enough," he clarifies.

Therapist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher focusing on mental health pre and post childbirth, says men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're struggling.

They can think they are "not justified to be requesting help" - most notably in front of a new mother and infant - but she emphasises their mental well-being is just as important to the household.

Ryan's conversation with his dad provided him with the opportunity to request a respite - going on a couple of days overseas, separate from the family home, to gain perspective.

He realised he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states as well as the logistical chores of looking after a new baby.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has changed how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now penning Leo weekly letters about his journey as a dad, which he aspires his son will look at as he gets older.

Ryan thinks these will help his son better understand the expression of emotion and understand his decisions as a father.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - also known as Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four years old.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Despite having an "incredible" relationship with his dad, deep-held emotional pain meant his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says bottling up emotions resulted in him make "bad decisions" when he was younger to alter how he was feeling, turning in substance use as escapism from the hurt.

"You turn to substances that are harmful," he says. "They can short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually exacerbate the problem."

Tips for Managing as a First-Time Parent

• Share with someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a family member, your spouse or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel less isolated.
• Maintain your passions - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be exercising, seeing friends or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - a good diet, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mental state is coping.
• Spend time with other new dads - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the joys, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that seeking help does not mean you've failed - prioritising yourself is the optimal method you can support your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen understandably struggled to accept the death, having been out of touch with him for years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "repeat the pattern" with his own son and instead give the security and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking the feelings out" together - processing the feelings constructively.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they faced their pain, transformed how they express themselves, and taught themselves to control themselves for their children.

"I am now more capable of… sitting with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo last week," Ryan shares. "I wrote, at times I feel like my role is to teach and advise you what to do, but actually, it's a two-way conversation. I'm learning just as much as you are on this path."